a day off

I had the day off today.  It was so lovely yesterday, Sunday, to know that I’d have today off.  No stress about finishing the laundry or getting ready for Monday morning.  I enjoyed Sunday all the way until the end.

I didn’t even have to think the thought.  It was just there, like the sun behind the clouds.  Except there was no sun.  An unexpected day off means a visit with Mom.  And my blissful evening turned dark and sad.  It’s so easy to forget the things I can’t bear to know.

That’s how the days go now.  play play play cry play play play cry.  Lots of playing until I fall and scratch my knee and she isn’t there to put on the bandaid.  I can put on my own bandaid, but sometimes I just don’t want to.

A half century does not mean I’m a grown-up.  It just means I’m a really old motherless child.