IMG_0866

Mom and Dad circa 1978

There are 5 stages of grief I’m told.  I’m floating between denial, anger and deal-making.  Those are the only 3 I know.  Acceptance is a long way off.

Dad is gone.  He died at 5:30 in the morning on January 10th, 2012.  Pretty shitty way to begin the year.  That’s anger.  I can’t believe he’s not coming for dinner tonight or next week.  That’s denial.  And I’ll do anything to have just one more conversation with him, tell him just one of the many thoughts floating around in my head looking for his ear.  That’s deal-making.

Dad was always the quiet one at our house.  Quiet and strong.  Mom made the rules.  Mom enforced the rules.  Dad jumped in the pool with us and wrestled us around in the water.  Once Dad broke down the bathroom door when I was in the tub, ears under water, reading a book.  Apparently there was a lot of yelling and knocking involved, but I didn’t hear that.  Dad drove.  Dad paid.  And Dad loved….very quietly (except for the bathroom incident) and very deeply.  He was so grateful that we were family, that he had met Mom, that he had met us.  Only days before he died we talked about how lucky we were to be the kind of family we have always been.  We talk and laugh.  We support one another when life hurts.  When I was growing up we ate dinner together nearly every night and now I do the same with my children.  Steve, Emily, Benj and I all want it that way and that’s thanks to my dad and my mom.  They raised us to be a family that likes one another, supports one another, talks to one another, helps one another, listens to one another, loves one another.

When my mom and sister were alive, they were my best friends.  We didn’t always agree, but they were the two I always turned to for advice and comfort.  Then Carol Lee died.  And Mom got alzheimer’s and slowly her mind melted away until she was gone too.  Dad and I spent a lot of time together both while Mom was ill and after she died.  We sat together at Greenhills, where Mom lived her last 5 years, listening to Rodolfo play his guitar or drinking coffee with Marion.  Dad came for dinner a lot and we talked in the kitchen about life, about family, about us.  Sometimes we went to his house to eat or play.  When the kids had an event or a show, more often than not Dad was there too.  We became closer than I ever imagined we might.  I learned who my dad was in the last few years and our relationship blossomed.  He became my best friend, my confidante.

Dad was with us for a month before he died.  He was not ready to die, but his body was no longer able to live.  Dad didn’t want to be a burden to us, he didn’t want to disturb the rhythm of our family, and I think part of him was afraid to have us see his body fail.  But we wanted him here.  I wanted to be the one to give him his medicine.  I wanted to be the one to shop for him and cook for him.  I wanted to be the one who sat at his bedside and asked how he was, what he needed.  I wanted to be the one who loved him, minute by minute and day by day.  It was a blessing and an honor to spend this difficult, intimate time with my dad.

I love you Dad and I’ll miss you forever.  I hope that wherever you are you are listening because I’m far from ready to say good-bye.

If you’d like to add your memories of my dad, please add them below.  I’d love to hear from you.  ~Leslie

33 replies
  1. Debra Busco says:

    I remember so very well Uncle Stan being gentle and quiet. I remember the strength that was behind both. He very rarely could get a word in, but when he did it had so much meaning! I loved to watch him watch Aunt Pauline and seeing the sparkle in his eye. I loved to hear him tell a joke or to hear him laugh. I came to cherish the times they visited NY and stayed with us.

  2. Phyllis Walker says:

    When I was a kid I spent many summers in Cochecton Center at the Nelsons where Stanley’s family lived. I was about 14 through 17 years and Stanley 9-12 years and he was sweet and shy. Later I visited the place in the mountains that Frieda and Harry, Stanley’s parents, bought. My memories are wonderful as I felt close to them all. Many years went by seeing none of them until about 7 years ago when we visited them in Napa and I met your mom. It was a treat for me and having met him after all the years was a special time. Leslie, you were fantastic to share, and care for him, when he needed you most. Remember the good times always.

  3. Russ Stumman says:

    wow Les, that sure brings a tear to my eyes. a part of our family has always seemed a part of yours. I am fortunate to have many memories of Stan; in the early days, going to one of his races, with aunt polly and co.,
    to the house in cupertino, with the cool cars and garage, any boy could dream of. He seemed a quiet strength, not like our ‘louder’ type family, I’m glad you had the time to be with him. I’m sure he is very proud of you, hang in and if I can ever do anything let me know, love Russ & Co.

  4. Linda Van Staveren says:

    Leslie we always looked forward to spending time with your dad at your house and at Sun Valley functions over the years. Your dad had such a lovely quiet and calm disposition. I loved his hat and his fantastic life stories about the race track. I picture him now wearing his hat and enjoying his time out on the track with your mom. Your a wonderful daughter. I’m glad you were able to be with him the last few weeks. We will miss him too.

  5. Jody Rosenberg says:

    I think our Dads were very similar. It sounds like they were both the best fathers in the world.I’m so glad I recently got to spend time with your Dad. During that visit for a brief moment it was like hearing my Dads voice again. Because of the many miles between us my memories are few but ones Iwill always cherish.
    Love
    Jody

  6. MARGE & PHIL BINKS says:

    Everytime I went to a SanFrancisco race Stan was there, aand had a smile on his face…
    He went to the Big Racetrack in the Sky, because they needed a good Steward..
    God speed Stan…
    Marge & Phil Binks
    SCCA San Diego Region

  7. Mary Lou robson says:

    Stan was my friend. He was also my teacher. When I first became a Steward, he quietly “coached” me many times. He was truly a Gentleman and a Scholar. He will be missed.
    Stan, say “Hello” to Pauline for us.
    Love you and miss you.
    Mary Lou

  8. gary Pitts says:

    There were so many great things about Stan. He was, indeed, a gentleman and a scholar. This may seem trivial, but it was important; he was almost the only one in California with whom I could speak a little Yiddish and share a little bit of Jewish culture.

    Gary

  9. Allene Galantino says:

    I was very fortunate to have met Stan & Pauline in late 1998. They were referred to me by Telly Zucchi, a friend of theirs who lives in Napa and who, I understand they had met while working at Sears Point raceway (now Infineon.)
    It turned out that Stan and I had both worked for General Electric and we knew some of the same people.
    As you can imagine, what they wanted to buy was very specific and I had my work cut out. We had many a fun day looking at houses. They were both a pleasure to be with and a lot of fun.
    Well we found it, and in May 1999 they closed escrow on their home here in Napa.
    From time to time they would stop by and we would catch up. I remember when Stan came back for Louisville, KY with his new Corvette and showed me all the pictures, he was so proud of that car.
    We exchanged e-mails daily, mostly jokes and up-dates on Pauline’s health.
    If I was lucky Stan would stop by my office and we would have a heart to heart, I always got a big hug, which I will miss.

  10. Judy sloma says:

    Stan was our friend, fellow racer and neighbor. Always with a grin on his face, and then there was the hat! He and Pauline were such a great couple, and how he loved his girls. One of the things I remember was how each year on the anniversary of his adopting Les and Carol Lee, he and the girls had their own anniversary celebration without Pauline–it was so special. I’m so happy, Les, that he was able to be with you and your family that last month. Now it is time to take care of yourself. Love, Judy

  11. Dick RaymondSCCA Steward says:

    I first met Stan and Pauline in about 1967 at the SCCA races. And, to borrow a phrase from Mary Lou, he was one of the good guys. I raced with Stan several times and you get to know your fellow competitors pretty well under those circomstances. That’s why Stan has been one of my best friends for many years.I’m sure for him, the best is yet to come. I’ll miss you very much. .

  12. Lori Laskin Bloom says:

    Uncle Stan was comforting to me when my dad had passed away. I would call him and talk to him like I was talking to my dad. I was so glad he was able to meet Mike and me and a group of my friends and had great evening together. All my friends loved him. What’s not to love. He will be missed

  13. marty kaufman says:

    I am truly at a loss for words, almost. Stan and I recently traded some email quips about ‘members of the tribe’ and I find it difficult to believe that he is gone. I have very fond memories of Pauline and Stan from our many years of association at the races and socially, too. Very respected and terrific folks who went out of their way to help. Les…keep your chin up…time is a great healer (trust me on this one) and this too will pass.

    Marty Kaufman
    Parrish, Fl

  14. Linda Rogaski says:

    Stan was a gentleman racer, a gentleman steward and a gentle man by all definitions. Go in peace Stan and give Pauline a big hug for us.

    Jim and Linda Rogaski

  15. Kathleen Ryan-Blaufuss says:

    Stan, my friend, as I close my eyes I can see you at Greenhills sitting with Pauline with your arm around her, letting her know that you were there to oomfort and support her as she slipped deeper and deeper into the abyss of Alzheimers. You gave me strength and encouragement without knowing it as i sat with George and watched you with Pauline. I’m sorry that your life ended so abruptly. My wish for you was for you to be able to begin again, to pick up the pieces and go on. I know that you and Pauline are together now.
    Bless you both. Thank you for inspiring me.
    With peace and love,
    Kathy Ryan-Blaufuss

  16. raceynora says:

    I was honored to be considered a friend of Stan’s for over 30 years. He was a class act but could exhibit a wicked funny sense of humor. We will all miss you. Give Pauline our love.

  17. The Mariani Family, Bob Shirley, Julie, Mike, Scott and Mitch says:

    Leslie,
    I want you to know that my family felt the sorrow that your family endured when Carol Lee passed. When your Mom was diagnosed and she also passed from this life and now your Dad. We shall miss our friends, but we take solace in our memories. Know also that we enjoyed your family during the happy times, I will always think of your Dad when I see a vintage Corvette and of your Mom when I hear a female give up to laughter thats a little too loud and I think of Carol Lee when I see a young person that is a little too beautiful.

  18. Bruce Brunner says:

    I didn’t know Stan as well as some others, but I’ll always remember his smile and hello every time he saw me. He was a quiet guy, but he always had a smile. It is a loss for his family and all who knew him.

    Bruce Brunner

  19. John Graham says:

    I met Stan and Pauline in the early 70’s when I got started in racing. I never raced with Stan, but then I didn’t have guardrail in my livingroom either. As a fellow steward, Stan was the quiet man in the room who always had his head on straight. He bailed me out a couple of times and I always appreciated it. He was much more than many people felt. I am saddened by his passing.

  20. Ron & family says:

    Knowing Uncle Stan for 49 years I don’t recall ever seeing him angry, in fact, the most I’ve ever seen him get even remotely irritated was at my father. That was the nature of Uncle Stan, calm, cool and collected, I guess that is what is required to be a race car driver. Growing up and having yearly visits as a child with him, Aunt Pauline, Carol Lee and Les was a great joy. To be lucky enough to have only good memories shows the character of the man and the family. I fondly remember going to Cupertino, swimming and hanging out and seeing apricot orchids, (not sure if still there) and the Laskin family coming down to San Diego. As I grew up they were always there even though the visits weren’t as frequent. My children were lucky enough to know Uncle Stan and knew Aunt Pauline and Carol Lee when younger. Although they only have vague memories of Aunt Pauline and Carol Lee, they got to know Uncle Stan. We were lucky enough to visit in August and I am so appreciative that me and my family got to see him for the weekend, it had been a few years. Getting old can suck but Uncle Stan did it with class and was always cool. I feel strongly he’s happy, smiling down on us with Aunt Pauline and Carol Lee, I know how much he missed them.

  21. Lillian and Bob Pleski says:

    Leslie, Steve, Emily, and Benjamin, Know that Steve’s family feels the pain of loss that you are going through. We will miss the quiet man that was your father, your Papa, and Steve’s friend. When the Reese’s got together at your house for birthday, holiday, etc., we were always glad knowing that Stan would also be there to join in the celebration. He will be missed.
    Love, Lil and Bob

  22. Steve and MaryAnn Clerici says:

    To the whole family,
    We met your Dad at Green Hills when your Mom was living there as is my Mom Lorraine Clerici. Stan and my Dad hit it off as new friends with lots in common and it became part of my Dad’s daily ritual to plan his visits with my Mom when he could also visit with Stan. Since your Mom’s passing we have continued to communicate with him. He was a great friend and will never be forgotten. Our deepest sympathy goes out to you and your entire family.
    Sincerely,
    Steve and MaryAnn Clerici

  23. Leslie says:

    Donny, Dad’s brother, wrote an obit for Dad’s hometown newspaper. Here it is….although I’ve got to add that Dad’s middle name was not David. It was D. That’s D period. I have his birth certificate, so I know, but commonly he wrote it as David. His Hebrew name is Schmuel David, so I guess that’s where the David comes from. RIP Dad. ~Les

    STANLEY DAVID LASKIN
    January 26, 2012
    Stanley David Laskin of Napa, CA, who grew up in Cochecton Center, NY and always considered it “home,” died at his daughter’s home in San Rafael, CA on Tuesday, January 10, 2012 after a courageous fight against cancer. He was 75.

    Stan was born on November 30, 1936 to the late Harry and Frieda (Markowitz) Laskin, who lived in Cochecton Center, NY and raised three sons there.

    A retired missile engineer since the late ‘50s, Stan’s work took him around the country from Vandenberg AFB in California to Cheyenne, Wyoming to Cape Canaveral, Florida.

    He was a graduate of Narrowsburg High School, (class of 1954) and Broome Tech in Binghamton, NY, and attended NYU and Syracuse University. A member of Sports Car Club of America for 50 years, Stan was a champion race car driver and served as a track steward at many events. As late as this summer, he was given the honor of driving the pace car at Thunder Hill race track. While he raced many different types of cars, he had a special love for Corvettes and owned one since the 1960s, picking up his last one at the factory and driving it cross country to California.
    With his late wife Pauline, Stan enjoyed traveling to China, Australia, Greece and Turkey. Their house was often filled with friends from an eclectic mix of backgrounds. But Stan never forgot his high school classmates and, in the last few years, kept in touch via email.

    Stan is survived by his daughter Leslie Edie Reese-Laskin and son-in-law Steve of San Rafael, CA; brother Don and sister-in-law Marie Laskin of Sunnyvale, CA; grandchildren Emily and Benjamin and his late daughter Carol Lee’s children, Andrew and Abby; nieces Liana Laskin, Stacey Laskin, Jody Rosenberg and husband Stuart and Lori Bloom and husband Mike; and grand-nieces, grand-nephews and many cousins.
    Stan is also predeceased by his brother, Allen Laskin, who quoted the aphorism, “You can take the boy out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of the boy.” Though they lived in other parts of the country, all three brothers felt that way about “back home.”

    Burial is in San Rafael, California.

  24. Maurine Bennett says:

    What a friend I had in Stan., Pauline as well. Even though I had not attended races in quite a while, Stan and I kept in touch by e-mail. He was always upbeat even though he was in pain often but never let it keep him down, He was strong in spirit and in friendship. A class act always. I will miss him, he will be talking racing with Dave I’m sure.
    Maurine Bennett

  25. Ron Jobmann,2325 Lowery Road Huntingtown , MD 20639 says:

    Hi Leslie,
    My name is Ron Jobmann I was one of Stan’s high school classmates at Narrowsburg. (I wish that I had the skill with words that you have, but here goes.)

    We were good friends in school.

    After graduation, in July 1954 I joined to Navy and stayed for 20 years. I lost contact with Stan. I tried to attend all of the class reunions but was unable to find any one who knew where Stan was.

    I received the email last evening. I was shocked to hear of your Dad’ passing. I wish that I could have made contact but as you know time does go by quickly.

    I can see by your “Memories of Dad” your father turned out to be the kind of father and husband, friend I thought he would be. It sounds like he had a good life.

    Sincerely,
    Ron Jobmann

  26. Leslie says:

    Thanks for your note Ron. It’s nice to hear from someone who goes so far back with my dad. I miss him deeply and hearing the stories that other people share, of times before me, give me a fuller picture of who he was. It’s funny that I, as his child, really know so little about both of my parents. And now that they’re gone I have to rely on the other people in their lives to give them back to me. Here’s a picture that I have on my wall that you might enjoy.

    Narrowsburg Class of 54

  27. Dave, Sandy, Cyndi and Doug & all the rest of us says:

    It is so difficult to say “see ya” to good friends. Dave & I have had so many laughs along with our good times with “The Laskins”. Shortly before Stan went to stay with Les we had a great visit. Sitting around the “table” and talking about all the things that went on over the years. We had gone to lunch and Stan had not had much to eat the day before after one of his treatments. He was so hungry. I think he ate more that day than I had ever seen him eat in one sitting. He just laughed when I mentioned it.
    Can’t say goodbye just “see you later”

  28. dianneelaine says:

    Dear Les, Steve, Emily, Benj and the entire Family,

    I know that tomorrow you will be having a Memorial for Stan and I won’t be there. I just wanted to send along my thoughts and rememberences of Stan. First it’s hard for me to say ‘Stan’ without the, and ‘Pauline’…………..but I know that they are together again and that puts a smile in my heart.

    Meeting Stan came moments after meeting Pauline. I was the babysitter called in so they could go out! I was the dating facilitator. Pauline the talkative one and Stan always standing to the side with that great smile on his face and not much to say, or maybe it was he couldn’t get a word in edgewise? I got very used to his quiet demeanor and his quietly walking toward the garage and disappearing into it for hours once the family moved to Meteor.

    I was mostly around the girls but once they were asleep I would have great times with Stan and Pauline. Pauline and I doing the talking and Stan doing the listening. It wasn’t until later that Stan and I really shared our thoughts. We always enjoyed reminiscing and talking about ‘the girls’ and later ‘the boy’ (one Nelson).

    In more recent years we shared the not so great things….the illnesses, the pain, the treatments, the never ending presence of the disease. Then it became an even tougher conversation because my Mark, was starting down the same troubled and torture-some road, his fight with Leukemia. All I know is that Stan never complained. Stan talked about it matter-of-factly and seemed to be accepting, not liking, but accepting. He had a strength about him that even when we would both fill up with tears he seemed so strong and made me feel so much better.

    In more recent times we began another side to our relationship….it was a cyber-relationship. We would be in constant contact online. I would get the greatest bits from him. A powerpoint, a video, youTube, a joke or some other newsy piece. I never let it sit in my mailbox because I knew it was always something so amazing. Sometimes, when I knew it was his favorite subject I would rework it with more animation and music and resend it to him. He always wrote back that he loved what I had done. Stan, what am I going to do now? You were always there in my mail box…you always started my day off on a great note, splaskin@comcast.net (I always referred to his email name as, SparkPlugLaskin). You will never be replaced Stan and my mail box will never keep my interest as when you were there.

    Les, this is so hard to write, I think I have put it off until now because I can’t face the pain and the loss. Every day at the hospital, now, I ache….I want it all back the way it was, but I know that that is not possible. That we all must go forward. I now pray for the calm balance between remembering the good times and appreciating the loved ones around us still. Les I love that you and your family have been apart of my life for so long, and I ache for the loss of yet one more. I find great comfort thinking that now, the family, Pauline, Stan and Carolee are sitting around a circular white table talking and laughing and enjoying being together again.

    All my love,
    Doug

  29. Shirley Gaines says:

    Ed is a man of few words. He doesn’t need many. His long friendship with Stan meant more than mere words. I wanted to add that the first time I met Pauline at a race in Laguna Seca, rain was starting to come down. I was being kind of a wimp. Pauline said: “It’s not raining, Shirley, it’s just participating.” She was one of the funniest, prettiest, wittiest of women. And, Stan, always so kind and present. Their memory will stay with us: Pauline, with her quicksilver wit, and Stan, with those gentle eyes and his hat.

  30. Redmond and Mary McPhilmy says:

    Hi Leslie,
    My name is Redmond McPhilmy.I first met Stan in Cheyenne,Wyoming
    in 1960 when we both worked for GE installing and testing a defensive
    Atlas Missile system in the wild prairie land in the vicinity of Warren Air Force Base.We became fast friends probably due to Stan’s affable
    good nature and had tons of fun pursuing our bachelor endeavors. Stan
    became the driver of the Stock car we partnered up on.He was a cool
    driver and was aggressive in winning a bunch of checkered flags.In
    1962 both of us ended up being transferred to Vandenberg AFB and
    lived in Santa Maria where we remained good friends.I met and started
    dating Mary my Wife of 47 years and she was also a friend of Stan’s.
    In 1965 I was transferred to Johnston Island in the Pacific and when I
    returned Stan had transferred to the Bay area. One time Stan and Pauline
    came and visited us in Santa Maria and you could tell how much they cared for each other because she set on his lap the whole time. About 2 years ago we reconnected on our computers and have exchanged tons of emails.
    One time Stan mentioned he was ill but never told me what it was. This
    news came as a shock and upset us a lot.I will surely miss his emails and
    friendship. Your Dad was a good man and you remember the good times and life you shared.

  31. Dave Dodds says:

    Your dad has been my friend for more than thirty years; he and Pauline were among the first friends I made in the Region.
    That’s a lot to remember and a lot to miss. I’m so glad that I had an opportunity to see him before he left us.

  32. Gary L. Anderson says:

    I met Stan when we worked for G.E. in Sunnyvale,CA. I remember what a quiet,upbeat guy he was. I learned Stan was a racer,and had a Saab,a little three-cylinder car I think.
    Stan ordered a Corvette,’67 I think,the first year GM offered the 427 C.I. engine in the Vette. Shortly after the car was delivered,he took me for a ride in it down hwy 101. How he loved that red(of course) Vette. I was duly impressed with it. I know it was stolen many years later and was a total loss. I seem to remember you(his family) got him a personalized license plate for that car. I left G.E. in ’89,the year my wife died of cancer,and in ’91 I became a full-time RVer. I wouldn’t have known of Stan’s passing had I not been visiting Joe Miller a few days ago in Santa Clara. Joe gave me a copy of your(Leslie’s) email rec’d by Bob Mariani and forwarded to Joe by Dick Morris containing the notification of Stan’s memorial service. Stan was truly,one of the good guys.

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