so much to do

There are so many things I should be doing right now, but I’m not.  Dad is in my head and in my heart.  It’s been two weeks this morning.  Two weeks of mourning.  Some of the raw pain is gone or going.  Now the deep hurt sits in the pit of my stomach and sometimes up in the crown of my head.  I re-decorated the living room and put up pictures from long ago.  Dad’s high school trip to DC.  The picture of Mom and Dad that hung over the stairs in Cupertino (that’s the one Emily and I keep posting).  It helps to walk over and stare at the pictures sometimes.  Sometimes that just makes me cry.

My friend Joanne says this is normal.  She lost her whole family over the course of just a few years as well.  She says it’s normal to feel sad and to have trouble concentrating.  Normal.  Yippee.

I’m planning a memorial service, but I don’t really know what that means.  Maybe divine intervention will prevail and step in to direct things.  Maybe divine intervention will send over some deli platters.  Maybe divine intervention isn’t paying attention or Dad would still be here, listening and loving and telling me I’m doing okay.  Cause right now I’m definitely not doing okay.

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